I touched on this subject with my email community recently and judging by the response it certainly resonated. It may come as a surprise if you took note of how many times a day you say ‘should’.
A client recently opened the floodgates and a torrent of ‘shoulds’ flowed. No surprise she was feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, unsettled and emotional.
Some examples of what you might be saying to yourself on repeat:
“I should sort out the laundry before I go for my walk.”
“I should get up earlier and meditate.”
“I should finish writing this work report before I go to bed.”
“I should really go to that event, I can’t cancel on my friends, even though I’m exhausted.”
The list goes on. Can you relate? I can see you nodding. It’s easy putting yourself second to the ‘shoulds’ and constantly expecting too much of yourself. Although the ‘should’ may indeed be something you want to do, quite often it isn’t, but you believe you should!
This can relate back to conditioning and subconscious programming as a child and life in general. The consequences are emotional and behavioural patterns such as feeling guilty, having no boundaries, seeking approval, people pleasing and putting your needs last.
With all these ‘shoulds’ weighing you down, it’s easy for overwhelm and burnout to kick in and that familiar sinking feeling that you’re always behind and somehow just not good enough. Constantly affirming that you ‘ought to be’ further adds yet another layer of mental clutter and emotional stress to a mind already overloaded with too many tabs open.
Become self-aware and let go
When coaching clients, I ask them to do ‘daily check-ins’ to really get to know themselves. Taking the time to pause, breathe and brain dump (no telling yourself that you ‘should’ do something else first to avoid what can be a difficult act of self-reflection).
This isn’t just a to-do list exercise as it involves journalling how you’re feeling too. Do you doubt yourself, feel trapped, irritable, drained, negative and overloaded? You think there are never enough hours in the day, you want to withdraw and suffer with poor sleep. These can be symptoms of burnout and signals that you need to pause and reassess.
When you get everything out of your head, it provides more focus to work out what truly needs your attention, where you’re procrastinating, what you really want, what can be delegated and dismissed. You may find your words accentuate common themes that keep appearing (like ‘should’). The hard part here is being honest with yourself and dealing with the stories you play on repeat.
Ready for a Spring kickstart?
We’ve recently welcomed in the astrological new year and the Spring Equinox. This marks the beginning of a new life cycle bringing fresh energy for change and growth. It’s a perfect time to review where you want to make changes, shed unwanted layers and set your intentions. Definitely a time to turn the page and start writing your next chapter (no more drowning in a sea of ‘shoulds’). So, as you get the urge to start your spring clean at home, remember:
“Clutter isn’t just the stuff on the floor. It’s anything that gets between you and the life you want to be living” (Peter Walsh)
New beginnings …..
What’s stirring inside of you? Do you feel ready to refresh, re-evaluate and realign? Then click here and let’s chat about your new holistic direction.
Maybe you’re being called to explore your spiritual path to healing, growth and acknowledging your authentic self. If this resonates with you, take a look at my latest offering Spiritual Balance.
Here’s to new beginnings!